2022: From New Age to Biblical Jesus Christ, Realities Realized, Salvation, Depression, Legalism, and Finding Community

Life is full of questions. It’s complex, messy, confusing…but also beautiful, wondrous, and inspiring. Personal purpose can be difficult to find for some. Sin and traumas inflict and wreak havoc. Mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion can sometimes just beat you down so much that just getting up and out of bed for the day is all you can muster the energy for.

But even within the uncertainty, missteps, pain, and convolution, there is a Hand that oversees and interweaves billions of stories together with hope, grace, purpose, compassion, and love.  I personally believe that Hand to be of Jesus Christ. I used to be someone who, at least in my 20’s and early 30’s, didn’t believe that a religious figure (though He’s more than that) was where I was going to find my answers for life’s deepest questions; but that changed 3 years ago for me when I came to faith in Christ.

Maybe some of you are curious as to why that is. Some of you will write me off right away. And that’s ok. It’s not easy to stand in following Christ. It has been far from comfortable for someone like me who has dealt with OCD symptoms and distressing anxiety to talk about some of these things openly. But I hope that, if you choose to read this, that some of what I share about my journey thus far will either be inspiring, provide some hope and understanding, or intrigue you to search your own heart as well.

I want to clarify a couple things though before moving forward with this blog series. When I say “finding answers for life’s deepest questions,” I’m talking about the overall macro lens of the general living dynamics of our lives in the universe and why things are the way they are all over the world in different life facets. I also say this to encourage you with a bit of hope and comfort that this earthly existence isn’t all that will ever be. Not necessarily in relation to finding answers to “what’s my career purpose,” what job do you take next, or when the Detroit Lions will win a Super Bowl. Though those are important questions on some level, what I’m saying is that there’s a grander intertwining to everything that reframes some of our “whys, what’s, or how’s.”

Secondly…at least at this point in my journey of understanding, I do believe that there are nuances between “being religious” and “having a relationship” with the Creator. I think a lot of it comes down to heart intention; even if some of the outward behaviors may look the same at times.

And thirdly…whether you’re a Christian reading this or a current unbeliever, I pray that you’re able to find grace for anything that I mention that I may not be able to fully explain or don’t have a full understanding of. We’re all on a journey of learning, healing, and growth. But without further ado, here’s a bit of my expedition thus far, with plans to expand on some of these stories or subjects in the future.

From New Age to Biblical Jesus Christ

I’m not going to get into my full breakdown of the general ideologies I used to believe in, as I have spoken a bit about this in my summarized “finding Jesus” testimony post a few years ago, or in my website testimony here, but to give some general context, I was definitely heavily involved in a lot of the “new age” beliefs for a long time.

In a general search for deeper healing to anxious issues and esophageal spasm problems, combined with the fact that I felt a bit disconnected from myself in terms of the “where I came from” sort of identity crisis, I thought I started finding some answers in things like astrology and numerology…or even believed ideas that perhaps my soul “came from a different planet” (AKA “starseed”) with the general goal to “help raise the consciousness of our planet.” That’s a whole topic in its own right, but for another day.

I know it sounds kinda nuts, but when you’re feeling very lost in the world and feeling an ache in the soul that something feels off about being on this planet or just trying to find a better understanding of self in order to operate more proficiently, some of these concepts are very easy to fall into. That being said, I also recognize that from the outside, Christianity can look just as crazy 😅. But hey, the truth is that we live in a world that is both physical and spiritual, and there is a lot going on that we cannot see.

To provide a little more context about what the “new age” is for those that are unfamiliar, it’s a very large umbrella belief system where it’s a bit of a pick and choose of general ideological ideas, personal moral codes, and spiritual beliefs that (despite its wide array of available teachings to integrate), seem often to combine a lot of Buddhist, Hindu, Gnostic, and Christian values or ideas all into one. From my observations on the outside, while also comparing to the beliefs I carried, many of the concepts that many seemed to believe include (but are definitely not limited to) the following:

• Most believe in some sort of spiritual intertwining of all things (we’re more than just physical beings) (I would personally say this is true still…but in a more defined way as a Christian).
• Astrological signs as a way of finding identity, career, relationships, etc based on “birth chart” (ex: I was a Taurus sun sign, Sagittarius rising sign, and Aries moon sign)…at least in one form of astrology. That identity may change depending on the “type” of astrology (tropical vs. sidereal)…which becomes contradictory in its own right, ironically.
• Astrology in use of how the energies and placement of the planets in the past, present, and future (and how they interact with each other in relation to the star sign they’re in at a given time) determines or predicts things that are happening in the now and future, in combination with using history to help predict future patterns.
• Numerology life path numbers to help determine identity, or purpose on this planet.
• Believing the idea that we’re here to “raise the consciousness of the planet” and that “earth-born souls” need the help of other-planetary “starseeds” to achieve higher levels of consciousness.
• Past lives
• Reincarnation
• 5D Consciousness
• Belief in “God” but not necessarily a god that can be pinpointed to.
• “Universe” itself as being divine, or that God and the universe are the same thing (Pantheism); (I now believe God is omnipresent, but no longer think that God and the universe are one synonymous thing).
• The use of reiki healing.
• Psychic mediumship, tarot card reading, and other divination practices.
• Witchcraft
• Jesus as being “just a great teacher” or prophet.
• Transcendental meditation as a way to connect to “spirit guides,” reach euphoria or ascend consciousness.
• Not much talked about in relation to sin, repentance, or salvation (in my experience).

I’ll admit though as well…there were many life concepts that I learned when I was in those spaces that did open me up to better understandings of myself. Certain scientific concepts also get infused with new age beliefs, and so I was also heavy into researching psychology, the workings of the mind, mind-body connection, etc.

God created science, and there are many things to discover about our world and ourselves, and do believe there is a mind-body-soul connection in some way. I do think my time in those spaces helped me to become more emotionally intelligent, self-aware of my reactions to things, and compassionate. In fact, I’m sure there are many concepts that intertwine between different belief systems…but eventually one religion or belief system will contradict another, so either everyone is completely wrong, or there is one that is right. Otherwise, being down on this planet feels pretty pointless if there is no deeper purpose to all of this.

What did become clearer to me though after accepting Christ was the full-scope of reality of good vs. evil. What was considered sin and what wasn’t (and why). Though I think on some level the law of God is written on everyone’s heart (Romans 2:15) (ever feel guilty for lying to someone, even as a 5 year-old?), when I was in the new age, I was basically living from a moral compass that (thankfully) a pretty good one was set in place from people around me growing up, but I didn’t have anything else to really reflect it against for a long time (God’s Word). But I also noticed some drastic changes in a couple life areas after coming to Jesus.

The reality of the real spiritual war between heaven’s armies of angels and demons became quite evident to me, and how it influences people in the world around us (Ephesians 6:12).

Where it was more difficult (and still can be a bit tricky) to discern “good vs. evil” (especially before becoming a Christian) was in spaces where false light/new age ideologies were presented (2 Corinthians 11:14). The amount of spiritual and mental attacks that happened to me when I turned from the new age to Christ were relentless at first, with some crazy experiences I won’t get into at the moment, but it all more proved to me the reality of the war of the “principalities of the air” that influence flesh and blood.

Remember when I mentioned how many new agers feel they’re here to “raise the consciousness of the planet?” This effectively means trying to get everyone to consciously operate from a place of love, enlightenment, compassion, joy, peace, rather than from a place of shame, fear, greed, etc. Sound familiar? Actually a lot of it is….as found in this Bible verse:

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23 NIV).

So is it bad to as a new ager to try and get people to live from a place of joy, peace, and kindness? Not necessarily (but there is a caveat). If you’re operating from those “fruits of the Spirit” in your life, you’re probably doing some good in some areas of your life. The issue is that if the rest of your ideology doesn’t point people back to whom this truth came from (God’s Word), and if it doesn’t accept the rest of the realities that Jesus talks about (sin, repentance, sanctification, salvation, one life instead of past lives, accepting Him as Lord, the way to heaven, etc.), then it I would say it’s much easier to get lost into things like the ideas of “starseeds,” astrology, or other world religions. As I learned the hard way and despite the many close correlations, it led me down a path that was definitely missing some very important teachings and realities.

Salvation, Repentance, and…Depression?

I was mentally wrecked, exhausted, and felt like a shell of a human. I was experiencing a cocktail mix of humble surrender and Godly brokenness, but also spiritual attack, PTSD, anxiety, panic…it was brutal.

When I accepted Christ as Lord and savior in February 2022, I was filled with the Holy Spirit with an unexplainable indwelling of God’s love that no human or thing on this planet could ever replicate. I wish could justify with words what that was like, but it was one of those things that I hope more and more of you (if a non-believer) will experience if you come to the faith. I didn’t know what many of the other Christian teachings were at the time (sin, repentance, etc.), but soon after accepting Jesus and when I started reading the Bible…it’s like my soul knew it was reading the truth (1 Corinthians 2:12-14, John 14:26). Unfortunately, this euphoric feeling was short-lived at the time.

To this point in my life, I’ve always been a bit hypersensitive to things, especially my own mistakes. The Holy Spirit did show me in some fashion some of the sins of my past that I didn’t know as such at first, and that was where repentance started. Though it’s very important to come to terms with yourself and the past sin in your life so that you can bring those things to Christ for forgiveness…I took it extremely hard, and unfortunately it actually drove my mind to fall into depression and disassociation about a week after coming to faith. This also might’ve been intermixed with heavy-laden thoughts from the accuser (Satan).

I was mentally wrecked, exhausted, and felt like a shell of a human. I was experiencing a cocktail mix of humble surrender and Godly brokenness, but also spiritual attack, PTSD, anxiety, panic…it was brutal. Unfortunately, all this happened at a time when my finances were on a downswing due to very inconsistent work in my creative business as well (which was dwindling for other reasons).

To say the least, 2022 was one of the hardest years of my life mentally, emotionally, and financially. Despite attempts at work, I was so down and out, it felt like I couldn’t do much of anything. I had a few projects come in through the year for freelance, but basically I ended up having to max my credit card and borrow a good chunk of money from my parents just to stay alive in a sense (while being under their roof still).

Despite this, I was internally on fire for God and just had to know who Jesus was, so I was reading the Bible like it was my job and ended up reading through my first go-round in about 10 months. But despite my good intentions and getting involved with a nice local church right away as well (thanks, Firmly Rooted), I felt like a shell of a person.

It was like my mind didn’t know how to take the realities that were coming in like a tidal wave, and so it was like I had to compulsively throw out of my mind any belief, ideology, psychological idea, or good life skill because I wasn’t sure “where I had learned it from and/or if it lined up biblically” (this isn’t super healthy by the way for the most part, if you couldn’t tell).

But honestly, it also felt so out of my control as well, that it just felt like someone hit the reset button on my mind, and that I was going to have to relearn life on this new foundation, almost like I was 10 years old again. Hard to explain, but yeah, it was not fun.

Legalism

Despite the Holy Spirit changing a few things in me instantly (I often found myself catching myself from cussing almost right away, and recognized how the infiltration of lust and pornography affected my life growing up), I quickly recognized that some other things felt off about what my mind was doing in other respects.

It’s like my inner thought pendulum swung from a lot of open theosophies, to a rigid, hard-nosed taskmaster-like dictator that I would hear in my mind anytime I went to go do something that “may or may not be good for a Christian” (and I’m not talking about clear sins). I soon came to find out that a lot of this unyielding thinking was likely coming from something called legalism.

GotQuestions.org defines legalism as “…a term Christians use to describe a doctrinal position emphasizing a system of rules and regulations for achieving both salvation and spiritual growth.”

There are definitely things that are defined clearly as sin in the Bible. But since 2022, I’ve had a very difficult time dealing with a condemning conscience about many basic life things. Everything from “is this secular song ok or no” (even if it’s instrumental)…to “should I really be out playing a sport with friends right now?”

Though many Christians may ask themselves if something is ok or not to partake in (I’m not saying to not be discerning)…what happens with me in these regards is that the condemning or questioning thoughts set off mental triggers of “guilt and shame”…which then sets off my fight or flight nervous system because I start to worry if I’m offending God, and then that causes rumination and physical tensions for me.

I later came to find out later in 2023 that this is likely a symptom of religious OCD known as “scrupulosity” (more on that in part 2 of this series). It is something I’m working at, but it has definitely made living out basic life things more difficult to say the least (when the OCD “switch” gets turned on, per se).

Legalism is a very deep subject, and still one that I’m trying to fully understand myself in terms of living out life under Christ, but I have noticed some slight improvements over the last year or so.

Finding Community

Led by a few God coincidences at the time during the summer and early fall of 2022, I ended up feeling led out of the first church I was attending (by no means was it bad experience, I’m grateful for where I was at first) and landed in a great church I’ve been at for the last 2.5 years now (Phos Church).

I was also feeling drawn at the time to get involved with something with some international flavor. By answered prayer, I ended up meeting the leader of fantastic local international friend’s ministry known as Connect the Nations. I started attending the ministry soon after that, and found it very enjoyable to meet many culturally diverse people in the faith from all over the world, right in one of my local towns. I have been a part of this group ever since, as of this writing.

Year 1 Insights: What I Learned & Pieces of Bread You Can Take with You

When life falls apart, it can be a harrowing experience. There are simply things that are not in our control in this world. What we can control though is our actions, our commitments, how we respond to circumstances, how we treat each other, and also, whether or not you want to come to Jesus. He truly does want to reconcile us to Himself (2 Corinthians 5:17-21) and have relationship with you. But because we have free will, the choice is in our hands. He can be leaned on though. He is the rock, even if you do have others around you to help (thank God for that too).

He invites you to come as you are…but don’t expect to stay as you were. Some shifts and changes might be subtle and happen over time, and other changes might be drastic and overwhelmingly quick. Be patient in the process. Lean on those closest to you and find a good church who can help in the process because it may be very confusing coming to faith. Having compassionate therapists or counselors you can talk to, especially when dealing with heavy-laden or depressive thoughts, is highly recommended as well.

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33 ESV).

This concludes part one of this 3-post series on “3 Years Walking with Jesus.” I hope you enjoyed this post or found it edifying in some way. Please look out for parts 2 and 3 coming soon!

God bless,

Corey